News Hits Home

By: Colleen McVey

My 14 year old daughter is a big Chris Brown fan. Until a month ago his picture on her bulletin board meant nothing to me. Now that has changed.

 A few days ago we were in the car and the latest news on the Brown-Rihanna abuse case came on the radio. My daughter casually remarked that Brown could never have done what he's accused of. I couldn't believe what I was hearing. She was defending a man who is now charged with two felonies for what police describe as a brutal argument between the singer and his girlfriend.

I wasted no time using the news story, which she and her friends have been talking about, to talk about abuse - something we had not yet discussed.

First, I told her NO ONE should EVER hit her, but if someone does she should never keep it to herself.  I told her when it comes to abuse - it's a strict "one strike - you're out" rule"!  I told her about the countless news stories we've done about women who were beaten and bruised over and over again. Many blamed themselves or were too frightened to get help and too many ended up dead.

I think my very emotional reaction to her casual comment took her by surprise. I don't think she really understood how serious this issue is - I hope that's changed.

The Brown arrest just started the dialog. This conversation is far from over, especially now that we are hearing reports that Brown and Rihanna may have reconciled. If that's true, after he allegedly bit her on the ear and punched, hit, and choked her - then there are more lessons to be learned. I will make sure my daughter and I follow this story together.

Comments

[John]

I agree, mostly. Everybody should really understand that you don't make allowances for destructive people. And yes, the allegations are an excellent time to talk about it, and teach kids that they absolutely must be responsible for their own safety, even when "everything else" is acceptable. In fact, they have to be responsible for everybody's safety and refuse to keep quiet about the problem.

That goes for boyfriends, girlfriends, spouses, parents, children, bosses, cops, politicians, and whoever else is out there.

That said, keep in mind that accusations do not make a crime. It's possible, however unlikely, that Brown wasn't responsible, and your daughter is mostly right to not pass judgement until the evidence is in.

It's different for Rihanna, of course--she made the accusations, and is being all sorts of stupid for going back to him, since she IS the evidence. But none of us was there and are only guessing what happened.

[susan l.rudnick]

colleen: i applaude you for being so open and honest and forthcoming with your daughter in regard to the abuse charges that have been in the news.you are so right: one strike and your'e out!there are no second chances ; no chances of one being violated physically or mentally ! there is no shame in being the victim once ; there is shame in allowing it to happen to you again and again!the respect for fellow human beings must be upheld no matter what !